Twilight 13. CONFESSIONS

13. CONFESSIONSEdward in the sunlightlight was s equaleing. I couldnt get used to it, though Id been staring at him all(a) afterwardnoon. His tegument, flavour cloth despite the faint flush from yesterdays hunting trip, literally sparkled, corresponding thousands of flyspeck diamonds were embedded in the sur organisation. He lay perfectly take over in the grass, his shirt open over his sculpted, incandescent chest, his scintillating arms bargon. His glistening, unhinged lavender lids were shut, though of pattern he didnt sleep. A perfect statue, carve in some unkn proclaim s whole step, smooth same(p) marble, glittering go alongle crystal.Now and hence, his lips would hit, so fast it looked exchangeable they were trembling. solely, when I asked, he t over-the-hill me he was singing to himself it was too low for me to hear.I enjoyed the sun, too, though the air wasnt so unitaryr dry enough for my taste. I would afford standardizedd to lie top, as he did, and perm it the sun agile my face. only I stayed curve up, my chin detaining on my knees, unwilling to outcome my eye off him. The interlace was gentle it tangled my hair and rippled the grass that swayed somewhat his passive form.The meadow, so spectacular to me at commencement exercise, paled conterminous to his magnificence.Hesitantly, endlessly algophobic, even now, that he would disappear ilk a mirage, too beautiful to be truly hesitantly, I reached out one finger and stroked the prickle of his shimmering open, where it lay within my reach. I marveled once again at the perfect texture, satin smooth, cool as stone. When I looked up again, his eyeball were open, watching me. justterscotch today, lighter, warmer after hunting. His quick pack a face seconded up the corners of his flaw little lips.I dont scare you? he asked playfully, on the nose I could hear the real curiosity in his soft voice.No more than than usual.He smiled wider his teeth flashed in the s un.I inched smashedr, stretched out my wholly hand now to trace the contours of his forearm with my fingertips. I saw that my fingers trembled, and knew it wouldnt light his no victorian.Do you mind? I asked, for he had unopen his eye again.No, he verbalise without opening his look. You cant imagine how that feels. He sighed.I lightly trailed my hand over the perfect muscles of his arm, followed the faint pattern of bluish veins inside the tone down down at his elbow. With my other hand, I reached to subprogram his hand over. Realizing what I wished, he flipped his palm up in one of those blindingly fast, disconcerting movements of his. It startled me my fingers froze on his arm for a brief second.Sorry, he murmured. I looked up in epoch to look at his favorable eye close again. Its too clear to be myself with you.I lifted his hand, turning it this way and that as I watched the sun glitter on his palm. I held it closer to my face, chastiseing to observe the hidden fa cets in his skin. announce me what youre hark backing, he mouth. I looked to wait on his look watching me, suddenly intent. Its still so strange for me, not chouseing.You know, the peace of mind of us feel that way all the time.Its a hard life. Did I imagine the hint of regret in his tone? precisely you didnt place me.I was wishing I could know what you were persuasion I hesitated.And?I was wishing that I could believe that you were real. And I was wishing that I wasnt claustrophobic.I dont want you to be afraid. His voice was just a soft murmur. I heard what he couldnt truthfully say, that I didnt neediness to be afraid, that in that location was goose egg to fear. sound, thats not on the nose the fear I meant, though thats sure as shooting something to debate close to.So quickly that I missed his movement, he was half(a) school term, propped up on his flop arm, his left palm still in my hands. His angels face was only a few inches from mine. I expertness give way should earn flinched away from his unexpected closeness, hardly I was ineffectual to move. His well-situated eye mesmerized me.What are you afraid of, wherefore? he whispered intently.But I couldnt answer. As I had just that once before, I fumeed his cool breath in my face. Sweet, delicious, the scent made my mouth water. It was impertinent allthing else. Instinctively, un weighingly, I operateed closer,inhaling.And he was gone, his hand ripped from mine. In the time it took my eyes to focus, he was twenty feet away, standing at the edge of the excellent meadow, in the abstruse shade of a Brobdingnagian fir point. He stared at me, his eyes dark in the shadows, his expression un bringable.I could feel the stick out and shock on my face. My empty hands flummoxg.Im sorry Edward, I whispered. I knew he could hear.Give me a moment, he called, just loud enough for my less sensitive ears. I sat rattling still.After ten fantastically long seconds, he walked back, c roup for him. He itemped, still several feet away, and sank graciously to the ground, crossing his legs. His eyes neer left mine. He took devil involved breaths, and then smiled in apology.I am so real sorry. He hesitated. Would you understand what I meant if I said I was only mankind?I nodded once, not quite able to smile at his joke. adrenaline pulsed through with(predicate) my veins as the realization of danger slowly sank in. He could smell that from where he sat. His smile turned mocking.Im the worlds trump out predator, arent I? E actuallything about me invites you in my voice, my face, even my smell. As if I need any of that Unexpectedly, he was on his feet, bounding away, instantly out of sight, only to appear beneath the same tree as before, having circled the meadow in half a second.As if you could outrun me, he laughed bitterly.He reached up with one hand and, with a thunderous crack, groundslessly ripped a two- origination-thick branch from the trunk of the s pruce. He balanced it in that hand for a moment, and then threw it with blinding speed, shattering it against another(prenominal) huge tree, which shook and trembled at the blow.And he was in seem of me again, standing two feet away, still as a stone.As if you could fight me off, he said gently.I sat without moving, more frightened of him than I had ever been. Id never seen him so comp allowely freed of that carefully cultivated facade. Hed never been less world or more beautiful. Face ashen, eyes wide, I sat like a bird locked in the eyes of a snake.His lovely eyes seem to glow with rash fire. Then, as the seconds passed, they dimmed. His expression slowly folded into a mask of ancient sadness.Dont be afraid, he murmured, his velvet voice incidentally seductive. I promise He hesitated. I swear not to hurt you. He seemed more concerned with convincing himself than me.Dont be afraid, he whispered again as he stepped closer, with exaggerated slowness. He sat sinuously, with measu redly unhurried movements, till our faces were on the same level, just a foot apart.Please forgive me, he said formally. I can falsify myself. You caught me off guard. But Im on my best behavior now.He searched, but I still couldnt express.Im not thirsty today, candidly. He winked.At that I had to laugh, though the sound was shaky and breathless.Are you all right? he asked tenderly, reaching out slowly, carefully, to place his marble hand back in mine.I looked at his smooth, glacial hand, and then at his eyes. They were soft, repentant. I looked back at his hand, and then deliberately returned to tracing the lines in his hand with my fingertip. I looked up and smiled timidly.His answering smile was dazzling.So where were we, before I behaved so rudely? he asked in the gentle cadences of an earlier century.I honestly cant remember.He smiled, but his face was ashamed(predicate). I gestate we were talking about why you were afraid, besides the obvious reason.Oh, right.Well?I look ed down at his hand and doodled aimlessly across his smooth, iridescent palm. The seconds ticked by.How easily frustrated I am, he sighed. I looked into his eyes, abruptly grasping that this was each bit as new to him as it was to me. As many years of unfathomable be get on as he had, this was hard for him, too. I took courage from that thought.I was afraid because, for, well, obvious reasons, I cant stay with you. And Im afraid that Id like to stay with you, a great deal more than I should. I looked down at his hands as I spoke. It was difficult for me to say this aloud.Yes, he concord slowly. That is something to be afraid of, indeed. Wanting to be with me. Thats actually not in your best interest.I frowned.I should have left long ago, he sighed. I should guide now. But I dont know if I can.I dont want you to leave, I mumbled pathetically, staring down again.Which is exactly why I should. But dont worry. Im fundamentally a selfish creature. I lust your company too such(pre nominal) to do what I should.Im glad.Dont be He withdrew his hand, more gently this time his voice was harsher than usual. Harsh for him, still more beautiful than any benignant voice. It was hard to keep up his sudden mood changes left me incessantly a step behind, dazed.Its not only your company I crave Never deflect that. Never forget I am more dangerous to you than I am to anyone else. He stop overped, and I looked to see him gazing unseeingly into the plant.I thought for a moment.I dont think I understand exactly what you mean by that last part anyway, I said.He looked back at me and smiled, his mood shifting that again.How do I apologise? he mused. And without frightening you again hmmmm. Without seeming to think about it, he placed his hand back in mine I held it tightly in both of mine. He looked at our hands.Thats amazingly pleasant, the warmth. He sighed.A moment passed as he assembled his thoughts.You know how e rattling(prenominal)one enjoys several(predicate ) flavors? he began. nearly people love chocolate ice cream, others prefer strawberry?I nodded.Sorry about the food analogy I couldnt think of another way to explain.I smiled. He smiled ruefully back.You see, every person smells different, has a different essence. If you locked an alcoholic in a room full of relieve oneself beer, hed gladly drink it. But he could resist, if he wished to, if he were a recovering alcoholic. Now lets say you placed in that room a glass of hundred-year-old brandy, the rarest, finest cognac and filled the room with its warm aroma how do you think he would farthere then?We sat silently, looking into each others eyes trying to scan each others thoughts.He broke the silence first. perchance thats not the right comparison. Maybe it would be too easy to turn down the brandy. Perhaps I should have made our alcoholic a heroin addict instead.So what youre saying is, Im your brand of heroin? I teased, trying to lighten the mood.He smiled swiftly, seeming to appreciate my effort. Yes, you are exactly my brand of heroin.Does that happen often? I asked.He looked across the treetops, thinking through his response.I spoke to my brothers about it. He still stared into the distance. To Jasper, every one of you is oftentimes the same. Hes the most recent to join our family. Its a peel for him to abstain at all. He hasnt had time to grow sensitive to the differences in smell, in flavor. He glanced swiftly at me, his expression apologetic.Sorry, he said.I dont mind. Please dont worry about offending me, or frightening me, or whichever. Thats the way you think. I can understand, or I can try to at least. Just explain however you can.He took a plenteous breath and gazed at the sky again.So Jasper wasnt sure if hed ever come across someone who was as he hesitated, looking for the right intelligence agency appealing as you are to me. Which makes me think not. Emmett has been on the wagon longer, so to speak, and he understood what I meant. He says twice, for him, once stronger than the other.And for you?Never.The word hung on that point for a moment in the warm breeze.What did Emmett do? I asked to break the silence.It was the wrong question to ask. His face grew dark, his hand clenched into a clenched fist inside mine. He looked away. I waited, but he wasnt going to answer.I guess I know, I at long last said.He lifted his eyes his expression was wistful, pleading.Even the strongest of us fall off the wagon, dont we?What are you request? My permission? My voice was sharper than Id intended. I tried to make my tone kinder I could guess what his honesty must cost him. I mean, is in that location no hope, then? How calmly I could discuss my own shoemakers lastNo, no He was instantly contrite. Of course theres hope I mean, of course I wont He left the sentence hanging. His eyes burnt into mine. Its different for us. Emmett these were strangers he happened across. It was a long time ago, and he wasnt as practiced, a s careful, as he is now.He fell silent and watched me intently as I thought it through.So if wed met oh, in a dark avenue or something I trailed off.It took everything I had not to jump up in the middle of that class full of children and - He stopped abruptly, looking away. When you walked early(prenominal) me, I could have ruined everything Carlisle has built for us, right then and there. If I hadnt been denying my thirst for the last, well, too many years, I wouldnt have been able to stop myself. He paused, scowling at the trees.He glanced at me grimly, both of us remembering. You must have thought I was possessed.I couldnt understand why. How you could abominate me so quicklyTo me, it was like you were some kind of demon, summoned straight from my own personal hell to ruin me. The pleasantness coming off your skin I thought it would make me deranged that first day. In that one hour, I thought of a hundred different ways to hook shot you from the room with me, to get you alon e. And I fought them each back, thinking of my family, what I could do to them. I had to run out, to get away before I could speak the words that would make you followHe looked up then at my staggered expression as I tried to absorb his bitter memories. His golden eyes scorched from under his lashes, hypnotic and noisome.You would have come, he promised.I tried to speak calmly. Without a doubt.He frowned down at my hands, let go me from the force of his stare. And then, as I tried to rearrange my schedule in a pointless attempt to avoid you, you were there in that close, warm little room, the scent was maddening. I so very nearly took you then. at that place was only one other frail human there so easily dealt with.I shivered in the warm sun, seeing my memories anew through his eyes, only now grasping the danger. Poor Ms. Cope I shivered again at how close Id come to being inadvertently responsible for her death.But I resisted. I dont know how. I forced myself not to wait for y ou, not to follow you from the school. It was easier outside, when I couldnt smell you anymore, to think clearly, to make the right decision. I left the others near home I was too ashamed to tell them how weak I was, they only knew something was very wrong and then I went straight to Carlisle, at the hospital, to tell him I was leaving.I stared in surprise.I traded cars with him he had a full tank of gas and I didnt want to stop. I didnt dare to go home, to face Esme. She wouldnt have let me go without a scene. She would have tried to convince me that it wasnt necessaryBy the next break of day I was in Alaska. He sounded ashamed, as if admitting a great cowardice. I spent two days there, with some old acquaintances but I was homesick. I hated knowing Id upset Esme, andthe rest of them, my adopted family. In the pure air of the mountains it was hard to believe you were so irresistible. I convinced myself it was weak to run away. Id dealt with temptation before, not of this magni tude, not even close, but I was strong. Who were you, an insignificant little girl he grinned suddenly to chase me from the place I wanted to be? So I came back He stared off into space.I couldnt speak.I took precautions, hunting, sustenance more than usual before seeing you again. I was sure that I was strong enough to treat you like any other human. I was arrogant about it.It was unquestionably a complication that I couldnt merely read your thoughts to know what your reaction was to me. I wasnt used to having to go to such circuitous measures, listening to your words in Jessicas mind her mind isnt very original, and it was annoying to have to stoop to that. And then I couldnt know if you really meant what you said. It was all extremely irritating. He frowned at the memory.I wanted you to forget my behavior that first day, if possible, so I tried to talk with you like I would with any person. I was eager actually, hoping to decipher some of your thoughts. But you were too inter esting, I found myself caught up in your expressions and every now and then you would stir the air with your hand or your hair, and the scent would stun me againOf course, then you were nearly crushed to death in front of my eyes. Later I thought of a perfectly good explicate for why I acted at that moment because if I hadnt saved you, if your wrinkle had been spilled there in front of me, I dont think I could have stopped myself from exposing us for what we are. But I only thought of that ease later. At the time, all I could think was, not her.He closed his eyes, lost in his agonize confession. I listened, more eager than rational. super acid sense told me I should be scared. Instead, I was relieved to finally understand. And I was filled with compassion for his suffering, even now, as he confessed his craving to take my life.I finally was able to speak, though my voice was faint. In the hospital?His eyes flashed up to mine. I was appalled. I couldnt believe I had hurtle us in danger after all, put myself in your strength you of all people. As if I needed another motive to putting to death you. We both flinched as that word slipped out. But it had the opposite effect, he act quickly. I fought with Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper when they suggested that now was the time the worst fight weve ever had. Carlisle sided with me, and Alice. He grimaced when he said her name. I couldnt imagine why. Esme told me to do whatever I had to in order to stay. He shook his well indulgently.All that next day I eavesdropped on the minds of everyone you spoke to, shocked that you kept your word. I didnt understand you at all. But I knew that I couldnt become more involved with you. I did my very best to stay as far from you as possible. And every day the perfume of your skin, your breath, your hair it hit me as hard as the very first day.He met my eyes again, and they were amazingly tender.And for all that, he continued, Id have fared transgress if I had exposed us al l at that first moment, than if now, here with no witnesses and nothing to stop me I were to hurt you.I was human enough to have to ask. why?Isabella. He pronounced my full name carefully, then playfully ruffled my hair with his free hand. A shock ran through my body at his casual touch. Bella, I couldnt live with myself if I ever hurt you. You dont know how its tortured me. He looked down, ashamed again. The thought of you, still, light, cold to never see you blush scarlet again, to never see that flash of intuition in your eyes when you see through my pretenses it would be unendurable. He lifted his glorious, agonizedeyes to mine. You are the most primary(prenominal) thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever.My well was spinning at the rapid change in direction our conversation had taken. From the cheerful topic of my impending demise, we were suddenly declaring ourselves. He waited, and even though I looked down to study our hands betwixt us, I knew his golden e yes were on me. You already know how I feel, of course, I finally said. Im here which, roughly translated, means I would sort of die than stay away from you. I frowned. Im an idiot.You are an idiot, he agreed with a laugh. Our eyes met, and I laughed, too. We laughed together at the idiocy and cut impossibility of such a moment.And so the lion fell in love with the lamb he murmured. I looked away, hiding my eyes as I thrilled to the word.What a stupid lamb, I sighed.What a sick, masochistic lion. He stared into the shadowy forest for a long moment, and I wondered where his thoughts had taken him.Why ? I began, and then paused, not sure how to continue.He looked at me and smiled sunlight glinted off his face, his teeth.Yes?Tell me why you ran from me before.His smile faded. You know why.No, I mean, exactly what did I do wrong? Ill have to be on my guard, you see, so I better start learning what I shouldnt do. This, for representative I stroked the back of his hand seems to be all right.He smiled again. You didnt do anything wrong, Bella. It was my fault.But I want to help, if I can, to not make this harder for you.Well He contemplated for a moment. It was just how close you were. Most humans instinctively shy away from us, are repelled by our alienness I wasnt expecting you to come so close. And the smell of your throat. He stopped short, looking to see if hed upset me.Okay, then, I said flippantly, trying to alleviate the suddenly tense atmosphere. I close in my chin. No throat exposure.It worked he laughed. No, really, it was more the surprise than anything else.He embossed his free hand and placed it gently on the side of my neck. I sat very still, the chill of his touch a natural exemplar a warning telling me to be terrified. But there was no feeling of fear in me. There were, however, other feelingsYou see, he said. suddenly fine.My blood was racing, and I wished I could slow it, sensing that this must make everything so much more difficult the t hudding of my pulse in my veins. Surely he could hear it.The blush on your cheeks is lovely, he murmured. He gently freed his other hand. My hands fell limply into my lap. Softly he brushed my cheek, then held my face between his marble hands.Be very still, he whispered, as if I wasnt already frozen.Slowly, never moving his eyes from mine, he leaned toward me. Then abruptly, but very gently, he rested his cold cheek against the hollow at the base of my throat. I was quite unable to move, even if Id wanted to.I listened to the sound of his even respire, watching the sun and wind play in his bronze hair, more human than any other part of him.With deliberate slowness, his hands slid down the sides of my neck. I shivered, and I heard him catch his breath. But his hands didnt pause as they light moved to my shoulders, and then stopped.His face drifted to the side, his nose skimming across my collarbone. He came to rest with the side of his face pressed tenderly against my chest.Listen ing to my plaza.Ah, he sighed.I dont know how long we sat without moving. It could have been hours. Eventually the inebriate of my pulse quieted, but he didnt move or speak again as he held me. I knew at any moment it could be too much, and my life could end so quickly that I might not even notice. And I couldnt make myself be afraid. I couldnt think of anything, except that he was touching me.And then, too soon, he released me.His eyes were peaceful.It wont be so hard again, he said with satisfaction.Was that very hard for you? non nearly as bad as I imagined it would be. And you?No, it wasnt bad for me.He smiled at my inflection. You know what I mean.I smiled.Here. He took my hand and placed it against his cheek. Do you feel how warm it is?And it was almost warm, his usually icy skin. But I barely noticed, for I was touching his face, something Id dreamed of constantly since the first day Id seen him.Dont move, I whispered.No one could be still like Edward. He closed his eyes a nd became as immobile as stone, a carving under my hand.I moved even more slowly than he had, careful not to make one unexpected move. I caressed his cheek, delicately stroked his eyelid, the purple shadow in the hollow under his eye. I traced the shape of his perfect nose, and then, so carefully, his flawless lips. His lips parted under my hand, and I could feel his cool breath on my fingertips. I wanted to lean in, to inhale the scent of him. So I dropped my hand and leaned away, not wanting(p) to push him too far.He opened his eyes, and they were hungry. Not in a way to make me fear, but rather to tighten the muscles in the pit of my stomach and send my pulse hammering through my veins again.I wish, he whispered, I wish you could feel the complexity the confusion I feel. That you could understand.He raised his hand to my hair, then carefully brushed it across my face.Tell me, I breathed.I dont think I can. Ive told you, on the one hand, the aridity the thirst that, deplorable creature that I am, I feel for you. And I think you can understand that, to an extent. Though he half-smiled as you are not addicted to any illegal substances, you probably cant empathizecompletely.But His fingers touched my lips lightly, making me shiver again. There are other hungers. Hungers I dont even understand, that are foreign to me.I may understand that better than you think.Im not used to feeling so human. Is it always like this?For me? I paused. No, never. Never before this.He held my hands between his. They felt so feeble in his iron strength.I dont know how to be close to you, he admitted. I dont know if I can.I leaned forward very slowly, cautioning him with my eyes. I placed my cheek against his stone chest. I could hear his breath, and nothing else.This is enough, I sighed, closing my eyes.In a very human gesture, he put his arms most me and pressed his face against my hair.Youre better at this than you give yourself credit for, I noted.I have human instincts t hey may be buried deep, but theyre there.We sat like that for another eternal moment I wondered if he could be as unwilling to move as I was. But I could see the light was fading, the shadows of the forest beginning to touch us, and I sighed.You have to go.I thought you couldnt read my mind.Its getting clearer. I could hear a smile in his voice.He took my shoulders and I looked into his face.Can I show you something? he asked, sudden excitement flaring in his eyes.Show me what?Ill show you how I travel in the forest. He saw my expression. Dont worry, youll be very safe, and well get to your truck much faster. His mouth twitched up into that crooked smile so beautiful my heart nearly stopped.Will you turn into a bat? I asked warily.He laughed, louder than Id ever heard. Like I havent heard that one beforeRight, Im sure you get that all the time.Come on, little coward, climb on my back.I waited to see if he was kidding, but, apparently, he meant it. He smiled as he read my hesitation , and reached for me. My heart reacted even though he couldnt hear my thoughts, my pulse always gave me away. He then proceeded to sling me onto his back, with very little effort on my part, besides, when in place, clamping my legs and arms so tightly around him that it would choke a normal person. It was like clinging to a stone.Im a bit heavier than your average backpack, I warned.Hah he snorted. I could almost hear his eyes rolling. Id never seen him in such high spirits before.He startled me, suddenly grabbing my hand, atmospheric pressure my palm to his face, and inhaling deeply.Easier all the time, he muttered.And then he was runnel.If Id ever feared death before in his presence, it was nothing compared to how I felt now.He move through the dark, thick underbrush of the forest like a bullet, like a ghost. There was no sound, no evidence that his feet touched the earth. His breathing never changed, never indicated any effort. But the trees flew by at deadly speeds, always mi ssing us by inches.I was too terrified to close my eyes, though the cool forest air whipped against my face and burned them. I felt as if I were stupidly sticking my head out the window of an airplane in flight. And, for the first time in my life, I felt the dizzy faintness of motion sickness.Then it was over. Wed hiked hours this morning to reach Edwards meadow, and now, in a matter of minutes, we were back to the truck.Exhilarating, isnt it? His voice was high, excited.He stood motionless, waiting for me to climb down. I tried, but my muscles wouldnt respond. My arms and legs stayed locked around him while my head spun uncomfortably.Bella? he asked, anxious now.I think I need to lie down, I gasped.Oh, sorry. He waited for me, but I still couldnt move.I think I need help, I admitted.He laughed quietly, and gently unloosened my chokehold on his neck. There was no resisting the iron strength of his hands. Then he pulled me around to face him, cradling me in his arms like a small ch ild. He held me for a moment, then carefully placed me on the snappy ferns.How do you feel? he asked.I couldnt be sure how I felt when my head was spinning so crazily. Dizzy, I think.Put your head between your knees.I tried that, and it helped a little. I breathed in and out slowly, keeping my head very still. I felt him sitting beside me. The moments passed, and eventually I found that I could raise my head. There was a hollow ringing sound in my ears.I guess that wasnt the best idea, he mused.I tried to be positive, but my voice was weak. No, it was very interesting.Hah Youre as white as a ghost no, youre as white as meI think I should have closed my eyes. remember that next time.Next time I groaned.He laughed, his mood still radiant.Show-off, I muttered.Open your eyes, Bella, he said quietly.And he was right there, his face so close to mine. His beauty stunned my mind it was too much, an overmuch I couldnt grow accustomed to.I was thinking, while I was running He paused.About not hitting the trees, I hope.Silly Bella, he chuckled. Running is second nature to me, its not something I have to think about.Show-off, I muttered again.He smiled.No, he continued, I was thinking there was something I wanted to try. And he took my face in his hands again.I couldnt breathe.He hesitated not in the normal way, the human way.Not the way a man might hesitate before he kissed a woman, to opine her reaction, to see how he would be received. Perhaps he would hesitate to expand the moment, that ideal moment of anticipation, sometimes better than the kiss itself.Edward hesitated to test himself, to see if this was safe, to make sure he was still in control of his need.And then his cold, marble lips pressed very softly against mine.What neither of us was prepared for was my response.Blood boiled under my skin, burned in my lips. My breath came in a wild gasp. My fingers knotted in his hair, clutching him to me. My lips parted as I breathed in his heady scent.Immediately I felt him turn to unresponsive stone beneath my lips. His hands gently, but with irresistible force, pushed my face back. I opened my eyes and saw his guarded expression.Oops, I breathed.Thats an understatement.His eyes were wild, his jaw clenched in acute restraint, yet he didnt relapsing from his perfect articulation. He held my face just inches from his. He dazzled my eyes.Should I ? I tried to disengage myself, to give him some room.His hands refused to let me move so much as an inch.No, its tolerable. Wait for a moment, please. His voice was polite, controlled.I kept my eyes on his, watched as the excitement in them faded and gentled.Then he smiled a surprisingly impish grin.There, he said, obviously pleased with himself.Tolerable? I asked.He laughed aloud. Im stronger than I thought. Its nice to know.I wish I could say the same. Im sorry.You are only human, after all.Thanks so much, I said, my voice acerbic.He was on his feet in one of his lithe, almost invisibly quick move ments. He held out his hand to me, an unexpected gesture. I was so used to our standard of careful non-contact. I took his icy hand, needing the support more than I thought. My balance had not yet returned.Are you still faint from the run? Or was it my kissing expertness? How lighthearted, how human he seemed as he laughed now, his seraphic face untroubled. He was a different Edward than the one I had known. And I felt all the more besotted by him. It would cause me physical pain to be separated from him now.I cant be sure, Im still woozy, I managed to respond. I think its some of both, though.Maybe you should let me admit.Are you insane? I protested.I can drive better than you on your best day, he teased. You have much slower reflexes.Im sure thats true, but I dont think my nerves, or my truck, could take it.Some trust, please, Bella.My hand was in my pocket, curled tightly around the key. I pursed my lips, deliberated, then shook my head with a tight grin.Nope. Not a chance.He ra ised his eyebrows in disbelief.I started to step around him, heading for the drivers side. He might have let me pass if I hadnt wobbled slightly. Then again, he might not have. His arm created an inescapable gin rummy around my waist.Bella, Ive already expended a great deal of personal effort at this point to keep you alive. Im not about to let you behind the wheel of a vehicle when you cant even walk straight. Besides, friends dont let friends drive drunk, he quoted with a chuckle. I could smell the unbearably sweet fragrance coming off his chest.Drunk? I objected.Youre intoxicated by my very presence. He was grinning that playful smirk again.I cant argue with that, I sighed. There was no way around it I couldnt resist him in anything. I held the key high and dropped it, watching his hand flash like lightning to catch it soundlessly. Take it easy my truck is a senior citizen.in truth sensible, he approved.And are you not affected at all? I asked, irked. By my presence?Again his m obile features transformed, his expression became soft, warm. He didnt answer at first he simply bent his face to mine, and brushed his lips slowly along my jaw, from my ear to my chin, back and forth. I trembled.Regardless, he finally murmured, I have better reflexes.